If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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