the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish you could order shots online.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
