what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
