at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
