I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
