even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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