I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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