and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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