apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
