I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
