apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
