i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
