yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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