I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
