dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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