hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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