Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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