WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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