I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
