The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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