It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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