I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
