so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
