seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
