Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
