I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
