party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM VODKA MAN
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
