Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
