im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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