apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
