She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize