ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
