We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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