If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
