New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
