I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize