my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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