oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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