So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
