If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
