they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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