Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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