PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
