so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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