yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
