If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
