Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
