speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
