I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you had me at cake vodka
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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