every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
