i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
