I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
