moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
