lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
