Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
