I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
