Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
