I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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