Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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