is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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