you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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