I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
