I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
