dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
