Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
