I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
