I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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