she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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