It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
