Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
