At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
