i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
