It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
