Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
