she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
