i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
