You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
