The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
