oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
